Brandon Pg. 2
When we returned home after Brandon’s initial hospitalization, Brandon
brought up the subject of Heaven. Brandon called me to his side and asked me, “Mom, are you afraid to die?” I sat beside him on the couch and considered his question. I always tried to be honest with the kids whenever they asked me important questions. I replied, “I think everyone is afraid of death to some degree. Death is something we’ve never experienced before, so we tend to fear the unknown. I no longer feared death after Ryan died. Instead, I anticipate the day when I will see him again. That’s what death means to me now…being reunited with Ryan.” Brandon’sface crumpled as he said, “I miss Ryan so much!” Throughout his illness, Brandon seemed to focus on Ryan. I believe whenever he thought of the possibility of dying, he was comforted by the knowledge he would see Ryan again at some point.
Only 3 ½ weeks into his illness we were faced with horrific choices. It was inconceivable that we could lose Brandon! Every night Mike & I held Brandon’s hands and prayed with him. We asked for simple things that Brandon wanted or needed. We prayed for another good day. After a period of time, Brandon began to pray. I remember him asking to be able to simply “get out of bed, take a bath in our whirlpool tub, or to be able to go outside.” Day after day God would grant our prayers, and day after day we would thank God for his mercy and love.
There were times Mike and I talked about our situation. We knew we were going to lose our boy. It was most easily the most painful thing we’ve ever had to face! Children are supposed to attend the prom, date, graduate from high school and college, get married, and give you grandchildren. How wonderful that would be!! To lose a child is to lose a part of your
future, a part of yourself.
Brandon was so amazing! There had been so much for him to deal with, but he handled himself well. I was amazed throughout his illness when Brandon didn’t become upset with his weight gain, acne, and significant swelling…he took it all in stride.Brandon was far from perfect, but then so am I.
Many people make the mistake of remembering a loved one as being“perfect,” providing that person with herculean characteristics. I realize both of our boys were very human and therefore, fallible. Still I feel we were very blessed to see God work in their lives during their illnesses and subsequent deaths.
Brandon talked to me about everything. He had always talked to me about things that were bothering him. I guess Dad was the "law" and I was "grace." There some things Brandon confided in me that he didn’t want me to tell Mike about. Brandon didn’t want Mike to think any less of him because of these things. A few things were actually quite funny, some I even suspected. Brandon had to get these things “off his chest,” plus ask God for forgiveness.
Whenever I looked at Brandon, I felt as if I were watching a walking miracle! I never would’ve thought this would happen. That he would become so much better, that we would have the time together we had was an answer to many prayers. This time was such a treasure! It was easily worth more to me than anything that I possessed on this earth. There were many times when I just treasured the moment. I would slow down and simply live in that very moment, treasuring every sight, sound, and scent. I can’t begin to count the number of times I held Brandon, kissed him, talked to him, laughed and cried with him. We told each other countless times, “I love you.” I think back to all of the times I told my children and Mike those same words. I’m glad those words were spoken. I always told my children how much they meant to me, how much I loved them. They responded by always kissing me at bedtime and saying, “I love you, Mom. Goodnight.” They continued this practice even as teenagers. I can still picture my teenage children at the back door, leaving for school, turning to say, “I love you, Mom.”
brought up the subject of Heaven. Brandon called me to his side and asked me, “Mom, are you afraid to die?” I sat beside him on the couch and considered his question. I always tried to be honest with the kids whenever they asked me important questions. I replied, “I think everyone is afraid of death to some degree. Death is something we’ve never experienced before, so we tend to fear the unknown. I no longer feared death after Ryan died. Instead, I anticipate the day when I will see him again. That’s what death means to me now…being reunited with Ryan.” Brandon’sface crumpled as he said, “I miss Ryan so much!” Throughout his illness, Brandon seemed to focus on Ryan. I believe whenever he thought of the possibility of dying, he was comforted by the knowledge he would see Ryan again at some point.
Only 3 ½ weeks into his illness we were faced with horrific choices. It was inconceivable that we could lose Brandon! Every night Mike & I held Brandon’s hands and prayed with him. We asked for simple things that Brandon wanted or needed. We prayed for another good day. After a period of time, Brandon began to pray. I remember him asking to be able to simply “get out of bed, take a bath in our whirlpool tub, or to be able to go outside.” Day after day God would grant our prayers, and day after day we would thank God for his mercy and love.
There were times Mike and I talked about our situation. We knew we were going to lose our boy. It was most easily the most painful thing we’ve ever had to face! Children are supposed to attend the prom, date, graduate from high school and college, get married, and give you grandchildren. How wonderful that would be!! To lose a child is to lose a part of your
future, a part of yourself.
Brandon was so amazing! There had been so much for him to deal with, but he handled himself well. I was amazed throughout his illness when Brandon didn’t become upset with his weight gain, acne, and significant swelling…he took it all in stride.Brandon was far from perfect, but then so am I.
Many people make the mistake of remembering a loved one as being“perfect,” providing that person with herculean characteristics. I realize both of our boys were very human and therefore, fallible. Still I feel we were very blessed to see God work in their lives during their illnesses and subsequent deaths.
Brandon talked to me about everything. He had always talked to me about things that were bothering him. I guess Dad was the "law" and I was "grace." There some things Brandon confided in me that he didn’t want me to tell Mike about. Brandon didn’t want Mike to think any less of him because of these things. A few things were actually quite funny, some I even suspected. Brandon had to get these things “off his chest,” plus ask God for forgiveness.
Whenever I looked at Brandon, I felt as if I were watching a walking miracle! I never would’ve thought this would happen. That he would become so much better, that we would have the time together we had was an answer to many prayers. This time was such a treasure! It was easily worth more to me than anything that I possessed on this earth. There were many times when I just treasured the moment. I would slow down and simply live in that very moment, treasuring every sight, sound, and scent. I can’t begin to count the number of times I held Brandon, kissed him, talked to him, laughed and cried with him. We told each other countless times, “I love you.” I think back to all of the times I told my children and Mike those same words. I’m glad those words were spoken. I always told my children how much they meant to me, how much I loved them. They responded by always kissing me at bedtime and saying, “I love you, Mom. Goodnight.” They continued this practice even as teenagers. I can still picture my teenage children at the back door, leaving for school, turning to say, “I love you, Mom.”